Why leaders lose their emotions
Your success breeds inauthenticity: Six steps to make sure it doesn’t happen
Do you think your title at work affects the way you express (or don’t express) your emotions? I’ve seen it time and time again. The higher that people rise up in the ranks and the greater their list of achievements, the more likely they hit the “off” switch on their emotions.
In fact, neuroscience shows that as people get promoted and gain more responsibility, the way they think changes; specifically, their ability to be empathetic diminishes. It is a scientific fact: the more successful you are, the harder it is to feel and understand what others feel and understand. The unfortunate result is that the more successful you are, the less authentic your leadership. It turns out that power diminishes all varieties of empathy in the brain. Power changes how the brain operates in fundamental ways. Power affects what is called the brain’s “mirror system.”
Leaders without empathy and the ability to connect with their people are doomed. Or at the very least, they’re in for a big challenge when it comes to achieving success. Organizations are best poised to succeed when they have people who collectively believe in the big picture and are engaged, motivated, and dedicated to putting forth not only effort, but also extra, discretionary effort. When a leader lacks emotional intelligence and can’t connect emotionally with others, this just won’t happen.
Company founders and CEOs aren’t the only ones affected by this “power disease.” Any promotion, perk, or public display of recognition – such as getting more direct reports, a new title, bigger desk space, a raise, or 10 minutes of fame – can send someone’s sense of power and success ego through the roof.
Here’s the good news. It is possible to achieve career success – and power – without losing all emotional capabilities. In fact, emotion and intellect are both essential to success. Our emotions motivate us to feel passionate about our work, fight for our beliefs, have compassion toward others, and so much more. And our minds are the engines behind it all. The key is to marry both sides of our personalities and never let one overshadow the other.
Lead With Your Heart
To lead with your heart, use your authentic self – the one that isn’t afraid to show emotion in the workplace – to inspire the people you work with. Here’s how:
- Show vulnerability by losing your ego. Most leaders feel it’s their duty to have all the answers, lay out all the plans, and know all the calls. Yet, the only way to make sure people give you their discretionary effort is to be real with them. Admit when you don’t know something. Keep your ego in check, practice humility, and strive to listen more and talk less. These are the qualities that others respect, trust, and want to see in their leaders.
- Demonstrate honesty. Here’s the reality: most of us don’t like confrontation, and we’ll do whatever it takes to avoid it – including telling the truth. As a result, the truth typically only surfaces in the bathroom, in the hallway, or at the watercooler. These places level the playing field and make everyone feel equal. And when we feel like equals, we’re more likely to open up and talk. It’s time to bring that equality out of the bathroom and into the boardroom. Find ways to make it safe for people to express what they feel, where they disagree, and how they see our progress towards our goal. Be the example when it comes to honesty and openness.
- Serve your people, not your strategic ideas. Those leading with their head and heart know it’s not about themselves or their ideas; it’s about their people. They also know the only route to success is through their people. Therefore, they commit to discovering the best ways to engage and liberate the passions and ideas of the people they lead. Serving your people is about enabling their success.
- Create a shared mission. The greatest strategy in the world is meaningless if you don’t empower your people to share that mission. The best leaders have the emotional know-how to successfully engage their people in the big picture – ensuring everyone feels a connection to the same mission for the long term and the difference they are making.
- Be curious about what others think and feel. Great leaders solicit feedback, as it’s the only way to confirm people receive messages as intended. They know emotions and behaviors are intimately connected, and ensuring a robust feedback loop – where they actively ask for the opinions and feelings of others – is part of their daily process.
- Be transparent about who you are. I once knew a great CFO who was promoted to CEO. He was extremely qualified, yet couldn’t connect with his people. When he realized his love for the business was being overshadowed by his stoic behavior, he took a chance – he spoke from the heart. He was honest, authentic, and real. He confirmed that despite his subdued demeanor, he cared, deeply and was committed to each employee and the business at large. This changed everything. By getting personal and then showcasing his passion for the organization, the company rallied behind him. Bottom line: always, always show who you really are and what you care about. People will respond in earth-shattering ways.
How do you balance power and authenticity? How do you make sure you lead with both your head and heart? I’d love to know what works best for your organization.
Source: Why Leaders Lose Their Emotions | Jim Haudan | LinkedIn
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